i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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