farters have to be the big spoon...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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