areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
