it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
