It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
