I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
