Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thus making me awesome and them whores
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize