she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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