Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
