i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
