"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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