That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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