i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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