I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
