I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
