Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
