she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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