well I can't set my house on fire every night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
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