Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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