I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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