Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
