i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
