i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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