3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
