My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If that was your dad, he is hot
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
