I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Boobs are out for the taking
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
