the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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