I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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