So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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