just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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