my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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