Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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