Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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