I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
