I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize