I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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