I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
