I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
