I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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