Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
