everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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