I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
