You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
