I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
whose parrot is this?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
