So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
