"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
