Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
