I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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