you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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