Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
