I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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