I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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