i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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