tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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