I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
