Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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