Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
