With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
