I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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