To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
