he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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