Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I understand Curling. That high.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
