Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
