By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
