I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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