yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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