you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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