Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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