while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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