Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
