We got so high we made milksteak
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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