he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
