Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
