Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
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